To say I have been a "negative Nancy" as of late (I guess to perfect term would be a "Debbie downer."), would completely downplaying my recent behavior. About two weeks ago I think I hit my yearly breaking point, which is pretty typical for me right before the holidays. You know, that point where you feel like you just can't do or give any more. The point at which you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, but you are not sure why. When you want to be completely alone, and at the same you're afraid to be by yourself. Yeah, that was me. I lashed out by posting "poor pity me" comments on facebook which caused the important people in my life to worry when there really wasn't anything to worry about. And in the end, I just needed to cry it out, and then run it out. Sometimes a good cry is really what you need. And once I cried, and cried and cried and cried, and yelled at Jason a little, I was over it. I hit the treadmill for a little 3 mile run once I put Lucia to bed, and decided that I just needed to pick myself back up, change my attitude, and get a freakin' grip.
The problem was that my "hallelujah" moment came a little too late, and sure enough, before I knew it, my Mom was on her way back from China, a month earlier than planned. Partly because of my little rant on facebook, and partly because she just wanted to get back home and get a head start on the holiday shopping and decorating. I felt really guilty about it at first. I did need to vent, but this is perfect example of why a social networking site isn't the right forum for it. Yeah, life gets tough as full-time working parents. It not all peaches and cream. There are highs, and there are lows, really low lows sometimes. But we're not the first parents to do it, in fact sometimes we just need to sit back and count our blessings, because we actually have it pretty good (and that is understatement). So as I said, I did feel a little guilty that my comments were enough to drive my Mom to hop on an unplanned 14 hr flight across the Pacific ocean, but there was no talking her out of it;)
Mom has been back in Winston-Salem for a week now, and while it is always great to have her around, this time it's been extra special. See, the family has been getting ready for Disney marathon weekend coming up in January. My father, Jason, and I are running the Goofy challenge which will add up to almost 40 miles in two days. My mom will be running the Donald Duck 1/2 marathon. My job will be to get her through it, and get her through it fast.
Mom has got some legs. Awesome legs. Fortunately, I got those genes. I love my legs, I love her legs. My mom is almost 52 years old, and even without all the running or training that I do as a twenty-something chica, she still has those lean, mean, power legs.
She had a long run to do today, 6 miles. I needed to do 10 miles, so I took off for four, the looped back to my parents house to pick her up. I tried to do my best to run at her pace. When I took off for my 4 miler I was averaging between 8:54 and 9:02 min/mile. With Mom, we tried to stay at an 11:00 min/mile. We did pretty well for her first 3 miles, but then the hills started to take toll on her, not on her body, not on her legs, but on her mind. I had to kick it into trainer mode, and at one point I got pretty mean with her, but she finished strong picked up her pace for the last mile (which was all uphill), and she finished in a respectable 1:14:00, which is just a little over a 12 min/mile pace, which is great for a beginner runner, a grandmother might I add.
The awesome part about it, I did it with her. I'm going to be doing a 1/2 marathon with my Mom. How cool is that? I know a lot of people don't think it's such a big deal, but it is. The truth is, and the reason I wrote this blog entry tonight is, I can't help but think about my family members or friends who have lost their mothers, fathers, or a loved one. My family members, or friends who are battling illnesses, cancer, or those who know someone who is. I am so blessed that my Mom is here with me, and healthy, and fit. And when we cross the finish line at Disney holding hands, in our little princess tutu's and tiaras, we will laugh and cry. And we will remember those who have passed, and those that are still fighting to live. We will remember those who want to run but can't, those who would give anything to cross the finish line with their mother or father, sister or brother, or dear friend. We will be running together, for those who can't... not to prove a point, or bask in the glory of another endurance race, but to just enjoy each other as a family, to enjoy each other as mother and daughter, as best friends. It's just something you can't take for granted.
Yeah, I went through my "negative Nancy" stage. And to be honest, it's quite embarrassing. All the "small stuff" that I was sweating, all seems so trivial right now. Everyone needs a reality check sometimes, and I got mine. It's time to focus on the positive. Time to bring back the magic! And where is the most magical place on earth? Disney World! Can't wait for the race with my Mom.